I'm declaring WAR to my body!!

Photo by anna.klevan

I don't know how long I'm gonna do this. But I need to lose weight, for the sake of my health and my life. My life sucks right now and I'm the only one who can change that. Besides, I'm on the edge of having endometrium cancer, i.e. within 5 years or less, I'll have either uterine cancer or endometrium cancer. I don't want to remove my uterus. I'm 25 for God's sake. So now I need to do this for myself, and for the possibility of having my dreams come true.

I'm not proud to say that the last time I weighted, 2 1/2 weeks ago, I was 265 pounds. I can't set the goal to lose 130 pounds. That will never happen to me. One step at a time, baby. So I'm hoping to lose 5 pounds in a month. My goal now is to try to go to the gym 3 times a week, every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Then try to cut 250 calories a day. I'm currently eating about 2500 calories a day. I only have 2 meals in most days, so I'm actually eating 1200 calories in a meal. That is a lot. So I'm trying to limit myself to have 800 calories per meal, plus 2 snacks which limit to 200 calories each.

But at the same time, I'm in a desperate need to save money as well. So it's gotta be really tough. I wanna eat well but I can't spend too much. My goal is to spend around $40 per meal, not more than $50. I'm still failing to do that some days. And I'm buying a lot of stuff too. So I need to keep my expenses in $2000 a month. Hopefully it's going to work.

So tomorrow, I'll try to go to the gym with my sister. That's my only plan for tomorrow. The other plans, I'm working on it already. Hopefully it'll pay off. I need a month of working out in order to make it sticks.

Ronny xx

I've got computer FINALLY!!!

I can start updating more finally. I'm not really sure whether people will come and actually read my blog. I guess I can't worry about that.

I can't stop wondering, the relationship between a celebrity (idol) and a fan is probably the most awkward and weird relationship in the entire world. Coz basically they are complete strangers, even from different side of the world. But yet the fan knows so much about the celebrity and the level of love is high. They will have all kinds of expectations and imaginations of the celebrity. Those unrealistic expectations and imaginations can crash both the fan and the celebrity.

I'm a fan for many many years now. And I went through all stages of being a fan. Sometimes, it's rational and reasonable; and sometimes, it's passionate and obsessive. I can be a kind of fan that just buy albums and go to concerts but never care what going on in the life of the celebrity. I don't even want to know the aesthetic behind all those wonderful music. But lately, I'm crazily in love with Sean Faris. I'm so obsessive up to a point that I think he's the ONE for me. He's cute and sexy. He's mature and playful. He got big pretty eyes and really sweet smile. And astrologically, we're perfect for each other. It's hard enough to find an Aries but an Aries at the moon position? That's just mission impossible. And even if I could find a person who shares the same birthday as Sean, the geological difference changes the moon sign.

But I understand the fact that I can imagine everything with Sean, but I can't have any expectations toward him in reality. It's not fair to him. So I'm trying to keep everything to myself. Well, I can't stop talking about him enough. Hahaha.